The Dark Continent

My journeys through Africa always conjure up a mélange of random thoughts and an incessant supply of sighs that accompany the several incidents of infrastructural failures and civil disorders.

The West African region has always been subjected to travel advisories by hyper sensitive foreign missions and buckled up military attaches – exotic dangerous zones that are on the wish list of every adrenaline junkie. 

From bicycle world wanderers to war zone contractors, some of these countries still boast of regions that have barely tasted the first dew drops of 21^st century civilization ( of course, barring the Indian Gujaratis & the Lebanese businessmen – who inhibit these lands for not the rush or the exoticism but purely for money, such embarrassing pussies..Fuck).

Understanding the colonial past, the current political disarray and the systematic breakdown of development efforts would clearly make it easy for any outsider to realize why everyone from your average taxi driver to the uninterested restaurant server looks visibly upset and frustrated.

Most of the low rung able bodied male workforce you come across has served in the military, the rebel 

militia, as an armed criminal or just as an angry violent man protecting his family and property. Well, there is no sequence or pattern to those tenures and chances are that he has served both as Military and rebel at different stages. (Well, whoever pays on time gets his loyalty for sure!)

Ok, you have to give it to the Belgians and the French that they taught their subjects how to bake some good fuckin bread and come up with some great results from the oven. The beers aren’t bad too !

Having said that, they murdered and brutalized their ‘black slaves’ with such ease and comfort that it would make Adolf Hitler turn in his grave and feel bad about being soft on his concentration camp tenants. The standing instruction for the Belgian & French colonists was to kill any ethnic subject on the first instance of disobedience. Non compliance was subjective and something as small as refusing to do the dishes on the master’s command was a good enough reason to land up in the pit with a bloody hole to the chest.

Since this is not a history lesson and the world has moved on – let’s get the shit straight here – West African colonies had their fair share of brutality, subjugation and humiliation at the hands of their masters. This history of torture and colonization can be a major production mill for frustration when countries like DRC are plush with natural resources and have no reason to experience poverty or to have its citizens treated like dirt worldwide. (Till early 2000s, people used to randomly stumble upon diamonds while walking along the Congo river in the capital city Kinshasa – that does say SOMETHING about their mineral wealth abundance).

The world changes and so do the methods and ploys that the sinister human brain comes up with. The new colonists don’t swear by the gun (the US failed in Iraq/Afghanistan) but rather by carving up an intricate and complex economic web of bribing the fat cats- aid grants- technology dependence and a fair bit of surrogate arm twisting in the political arena.

Taking the example of the Democratic Republic of Congo here – apart from being well endowed, the men here are also known to be trigger happy and extremely violent. Studies and historical memoirs prove it was not like that in the beginning. The inhabitants of the region were the standard Hollywood variety jungle people who would  welcome all- lets wear leaves around our ass and dance in a circle –happy go lucky tribals who got tricked by the cap wearing white explorers and later on by the innocent looking cross wielding missionaries. 

On a side note, I always like the mystery around the nuns - I mean the missionaries have a sex position named after them, but anyway, back to the Africa analysis.

The DRC of today is a country plagued with rampant corruption, infrastructure breakdown (or the lack of it), abject poverty and a violent civil war that has claimed the most lives after the 2^nd world war.

But these guys aren’t Muslims and they are black – There will be no Muslim groups crying for them like they whine about Palestine all the time. The West doesn’t give a fuck either, and the Asians – well let’s just say the Asians are the new Jews. In all this chaos, it’s the Chinese (and to some extent the Indians) who feel it’s their turn to suck the juices of bliss in this otherwise supposedly god forsaken land.

At the peak of the civil war in the 90s that lasted about 8 years, there were close to 10,000 casualties a day in Congo alone. Final casualty figures cross the 5 million mark. A million Hutu civilians died in Rwanda as well. The civil war still rages in the country’s restive eastern part as of 2013.

But hey! The world’s a crazy place, shit happens all the time, you can’t just hold on to some statistical numbers and get all melodramatic about it. There is Swine flu and I-phone 6 to worry about. (not to mention Argo beat Lincoln at the Oscars, Go Argo !)

Today’s West Africa needs international intervention – the western arms industry has been fuelling the civil wars here to keep their weapons business greased up with fresh supply orders. Sponsoring a dictator and then instigating his rival to throw the first one off the grid has become a morbid fun game for some of the western countries who see it in their best interest to keep Africa under-developed. The international intervention we are talking about involves stopping undue interventions in someone else’s mess. Let them fight it out, figure it out, learn to evolve and handle their own mess.

Some critics might disagree with me and claim that whatever little sanity or civilized lifestyle that was imparted in Africa, was indeed a blessing to those inhabitants. Well, Ethiopia stands out as a clear example of a country that staved off the colonial powers and has now turned out to be a pretty decent place – the people are warm, welcoming and anything but violent.

But all my thoughts about the situation perhaps seem to be an implausible vile rambling of a rabid uncouth South Asian. After all, where else can the Americans adopt cute black babies from without much paperwork – they make such adorable pets. The game safaris, the exorbitant per diem payments for the contract work to build temporary ‘bus sheds’ and the great employment opportunities that come with development work in these countries. I have honestly met so many white ‘advisors and contractors’ that advise and consult on ridiculous projects. That money could have probably fed thousands of starving IDPs (Internally displaced refugees).

But looking at it, paying $600/day to an American consultant at the Health Ministry who adds value to the society by training people on the benefits of using soap properly after taking a dump is a much bigger priority than feeding let’s say a bunch of dying infants in a refugee camp. WHAT IF someone handled their powdered milk jar with unwashed hands, that would be so uncool.

A great continent that once had its own thing going on – the rich cultural heritage, the vast expanses of pristine virgin natural wonders, music-tribal arts and tradition - will only move in the direction of mayhem in the foreseeable future.

Its inhabitants who could have been suave and educated will forever be condemned and be looked upon suspiciously for their aggressive demeanor and their tendency to rob you at the first available instance. Guess what, it is the outsiders who taught them this violence and the art of robbery – and now, they should forever be destined to live-thrive-survive-connive on the Dark Continent.

The great Indian rope trick - Babu Edition

Holy cows, magic ropes, flying carpets, spicy food and head wobbling touts at public places – the common perception of India in the hearts & minds of every tourist that wants to bestow his tourist dollars to this gracious motherland called India.

To my brothers, sisters and fellow corrupt douchebags of this great nation, let me embark on this literary journey to introduce you to the world of exported Babudom. Yes, you guessed it right – IFS – Indian Foreign Services, our diplomatic staff in the distant lands.

The crisp ironed shirt wearing Babus who are the flag bearers of this great nation and its legacy to people in far away countries. They enjoy diplomatic immunity, fantastic foreign exchange salary, free travel and a lot of other perks that include the privilege of being allowed to take one servant along to the land of their posting.
Seems perfect, doesn’t it?

What more could a Babu ask for? If not for this little blessing right from the Headquarters of Bhagwan via Fedex, they would have been sitting in some pan-stained dusty office in India.



This is the stage in my little rambling when I throw a bit more light on the Indian rope trick and emphasize on how it has quintessentially proved time and again – ‘You can take an Indian out of India, but you can’t take the Indian out of him’. Magical words I tell you, never do they seem truer and so etched in stone than in Indian embassies abroad. Always makes me emotional, sniff.

 The rope trick involves creating a paper rope, no no, not a physical rope you silly reader, a rope of documentation requirements that is meant to go around the neck of a visa applicant.

Only steel cuts steel, only diamond cuts diamond – similarly, only paper cuts paper. Kapish ? catch my drift ? Papers come in various varieties. Certificates, letters, mark-sheets, sale deeds, agreements and of course Bank notes.

Case 1: A babu working at the Indian embassy at Toronto earns roughly $55 an hour, not to it is tax free. A 2 year tenure should easily allow him to come back home and buy a decent apartment or a 250 gaj plot in the suburbs (of course purely as an investment, he is a foreign return diplomatique babu – he don’t stay in no suburbs).

His stature and salary structure do not desist him in indulging what he thinks is part of his SLA with the government of India and its citizens.

Asking for money.

The Number 1 SLA/KPI every babu is appraised on during his ACR/year end review.

The bribe amount starts at $50 and goes down to $20 (C’mon, bargaining is fun and a habit too!)

 Some of the people who were asked for a $20 bribe were so offended by the level to which Babudom had stooped. They had expected a ‘foreign posted’ babu to show some more self respect and asked for at least $35. Several bribe givers, oh..I meant, peasants angrily put an extra $10 in the bribe to bring it to a respectable amount. True story, by god.

Case 2: Diplomatic Staff at Indian embassy in Bangkok made an elderly C level Italian executive run around in circles for his visa for a simple reason. He had applied for an employment visa to India and his ‘age proof’ was missing from his documents.

Some of you are probably smiling victoriously right now, claiming to know what comes next.

Yes, his passport and birth certificate were not considered as authentic enough to substantiate his date of birth.

Exasperated, frustrated – the Italian asked the magical rope trick trigger question, about what would be considered a DOB proof.

The Babu goes : “ 10th ka certificate hai aapke paas ?”

The noose of the Indian rope fastened, the Italian’s worst nightmare was now a real life drama.

The magic trick was now complete.

Bharat Mata ki Jai.

Give me a Gift - Feel like a King !

There was a sense of worry as the plane touched down in Kinshasa and I looked at the N’djili airport - on most days it looks almost abandoned or a bus station doubled up to cater to the aviation industry at best.


Yellow walls, almost falling apart, visible mold on the walls – not a very re-assuring sight of an International airport.

Well, 2/3rd of the country is still rain forests – maybe the molds are part of a half hearted attempt to boost tourism, I thought to myself in a vain attempt to feel better. Nevertheless, the wanderlust and the eternal traveler in me geared up for the challenge and I proceeded to douse myself in the magic potion of immigration.

If you’ve ever had a pet dog in the house, you're familiar with that look where the pooch keeps staring at you while you eat – in a desperate hope & wait that something’s gonna make it to his palette too. Now replace the dogs with airport officials and push up the breed from a pooch to a rottweiler.


THAT – ladies & gentlemen – defines the situation at N’djili airport.


Nervously moving ahead, I frantically try to get some signals on my mobile phone – automatic /manual, SMS, MMS, ANYTHING ? I was even willing to accept sexts from my contact in Congo during those moments. The network coverage on my phone fails – and so does my attempt to connect to the rest of the world.

Voila, there I was at the window – a little smile and a sweet Bonjour later – the lady immigration officer was going through my passport pages. Everything suddenly seemed normal and I almost wanted to brush aside all the BS that seemed to have done the rounds about N’djili being one of the most corrupt airport in the world.

She asked for Yellow fever certification – no problem madame, invitation of entry – no problem madame, visa – here it is madame, how much money you have – not much madame, is it your first time in Congo – Yes Madame.

And there it was, our little moment of revelations. Now it was HER turn to smile – a small eye gesture to her superior and there it was – all official wolfpack in that room got into ther hunting formation and slowly moved towards their prey. Me.

20 Minutes into Africa and I was already part of a game safari.Great!

“You come first time, you give me gift, show your bag how much money you have” A couple of “Sivouplay Madames’ later I figured out they meant business and would not budge.

Finally when they realized I was adamant on wasting time, they came up with their winning trick:

“You have return ticket ?” – Yes Madam, see, I have full booking. “Ok, we deport you now on the same plane because you come to Congo with litlet money, you don’t give us $200 gift”

That’s when the alarm bells rang – All those trashy whiskey laden conversations with other travelers started reminiscing themselves in my head and I knew that they WILL deport me if I didn’t pay the bribe, or gift as they preferred to label it.

A little negotiation, charm and puppy faced antic lead to the ‘gift’ being set at $150 – I was unsure whether to be ecstatic or be marooned with dismay when they said “ See you again”.

With the money well spent within the first 30 minutes of arriving I moved out of the airport, welcomed by almost 100 men – all wielding Kalashnikovs and menacingly asking for my passport. Convinced they don’t speak English, I kept mumbling “You wish motherfucker, you wish”.


Getting a taxi is a story in itself – nevertheless – as it turns out – at every traffic signal the cops approach your car and salute you.

No, I do not wear shirt with stars on the shoulder – neither do I look like Moammar Gadhafi or Obama.

They salute you, and then walk up to you asking for a ‘gift’.
The gift can be 1000 CFA - $1 – INR 50.

I had a grand welcome since I was saluted at every intersection by every cop – felt like a visiting dignitary or a police chief – all it cost was $10!

Now that’s what I call good value for money and a nice return gift!

Welcome to Kinshasa !

Choking the last sliver of Green

A few weeks ago as I drove through the not so prime looking sectors of Dwarka – New Delhi late at night, my senses were thrown off track by a family of deer that suddenly dashed to cross the road.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking now – the answer is NO, I had been sober that night and not a single drop of alcohol or a single strand of marijuana had been consumed.

The excitement soon faded into worry and then a phase of deep thinking (thanks to my unemployed ass that sat at home all day and gave me enough time worry about global issues) – If there were deer in a bushy patch of land well within the capital city’s urban landscape, how long would they survive ?

How did we miss this struggle of the wild animals as we snatch away their habitat – one apartment complex at a time and rampage their living space with highways and big streets.

I came to realize a depressing fact – the cost of development. I suddenly connected the dots and analyzed that none of the ‘western/developed’ nations have any significant wildlife, especially predators.

Perhaps barring a couple of Scandinavian countries where Polar Bears exist quite close to human habitation, it is unfortunately true that most developed nations now boats of a diverse wildlife albeit only confined ‘wildlife’ in fancy zoological parks.

It’s shameful that the mighty Europe (or the US) does not have any significant leopards, wolves, tigers, jaguars, elephants, rhinos to boast of. What a shame!
The development chart of a nation and the depletion of its prime wildlife is clearly evident – and this holds true for all countries and has nothing to do with lack of space.

It is really ironic that the poorest nations in the world take pride in protecting and maintaining a healthy & vibrant wild life. Even though you cant really blame those guys from eating the damn animals out of hunger !

The countryside of most European countries is blessed with wide tracts of land that seem perfect for sustenance of the wild beasts, however I wonder if it’s the fear that led to their extermination.

As China transitioned from developing to developed in our lifetime, the case of the last tiger being killed was as recent as 2009, just co-incidence ?

And as India leaps ahead into a future that promises a status of a developed economy, the ‘save the tiger’ campaign seems futile in spite of MS Dhoni’s best efforts.

All of these thoughts got me right back to where it started, sector 20 Dwarka – where I spotted those Deer. Are they still alive, did they get hit by a truck , did a migrant jhuggi dweller have a nice meal for weeks…and all of these thoughts got me worried.

To be honest it feels awesome to have deer n stuff running around your house and it validates the fact that as an entity that shares the planet, being closer to nature brings happiness to humans.


A little help from google revealed that I am not the only one who chanced upon this uncommon sight and these tense thoughts:

http://groups.google.com/group/dwarka-residents/browse_thread/thread/86e3baf1adb6f43c/67e68d5bda78383d?show_docid=67e68d5bda78383d&pli=1

Thankfully, 4 days ago I spotted the deer again and this time I had a good look since they decided to venture out during daytime – Darwinian theory at play, evolving deer that get used to traffic!

As the days go by and India progresses, I wonder how many more of these random urban deer,rabbits and eagles will fight a futile battle to make it out alive.

Muammar Gaddafi - A misunderstood dictator

Muammar Gaddafi – A dictator who was dictated to

It all started with Osama Bin Laden this year and the success charts on the world policing charts of the western powers have been adding one masquerading son of a bitch after the others in the ‘gone for good’ section.

Libya is now a liberated democracy and people are celebrating their new found independence that will soon allow them ‘even easier’ access to Coke, McDonalds and Ford automobiles. In exchange for all this, all they need to do is welcome the oil companies like BP with open arms and take them to their oil wells (they WILL find the oil wells either way - welcome or unwelcome).


Earlier this year, the Arab spring ensured Egypt joined the fancy bandwagon of democratic nations. Today, 6 months later, as I sit back watching the news – I have a smirk on my face and the Egyptian people have blood on theirs. There is chaos in the streets and people are disillusioned with their freedom. Nothing has changed! ( Kinda reminds me of all the Anna Hazare supporters in India who will witness the same if the Lokpal bill gets passed).


Muammar Gaddafi, known to the world as the sexual maniac with the penchant for well endowed Ukrainian nurses and a tantrum throwing ability that made a 6 year old spoilt brat look mature ruled Libya for over 3 decades.
Most people are happy that he was gotten rid of and Libya ‘must be’ a better place without him now.

Those people are the same ones who believed Taliban bombed WTC and there were WMDs in Iraq. In my personal thesaurus, I like to mention these people in the category of retards.

What baffles me is that the same Champions of Human rights – the flag bearers of righteousness who came half way across the world to ‘rescue the Libyan people’ suddenly went quiet when Gaddafi was shot point blank in the head after being arrested alive. Gaddafi did his fair bit of horrible stuff and was not a fantastic leader or a great person by any standards – but sure didn’t have t be shot like that while alive.

I summarized the last few years of Gaddafi’s rule and you decide if the people were genuinely being tortured: A few stark reminders of the Libyan regime’s ‘oppression’:


1. There is no electricity bill in Libya; electricity is free for all its citizens.

2. Home considered a human right in Libya – Gaddafi vowed that his parents would not get a house until everyone in Libya had a home. Gaddafi’s father has died while him, his wife and his mother are still living in a tent.

3. All newlyweds in Libya receive $60,000 Dinar (US$50,000) by the government to buy their first apartment so to help start up the family.

4. Education and medical treatments are free in Libya. Before Gaddafi only 25% of Libyans are literate. Today the figure is 83%.6. Should Libyans want to take up farming career, they would receive farming land, a farming house, equipments, seeds and livestock to kick-start their farms – all for free

5. The price of petrol in Libya is $0.14 per liter.

6. Libya has no external debt and its reserves amount to $150 billion – now frozen globally.

7. A portion of Libyan oil sale is, credited directly to the bank accounts of all Libyan citizens.

8. 40 loaves of bread in Libya costs $ 0.15

9. Gaddafi carried out the world’s largest irrigation project, known as the Great Man-Made River project $27 billion, to make water readily available throughout the desert country.

10. There is no interest on loans, banks in Libya are state-owned and loans given to all its citizens at 0% interest by law.


Somehow the US/NATO suddenly decided that the people are ‘oppressed’ and human rights are being violated.


Saudi Arabia has the worst track record in Human rights and it went to the extent of sending tanks to neighboring Bahrain when Shia majority protestors wanted a change of Sunni regime . Hundreds were killed in cold blood but the western world looked the other way.

Thank you ARAMCO and the ass kissing Saudi/Bahraini kings, your countries will not be invaded, keep killing whoever you want.

It is obviously clear what the reason for invasion was - LIBYA HAD ITS OWN OIL & MONEY AND THEY DIDN’T WANT TO SHARE IT with anyone.


Italy is as complicit as anyone else in exploiting Libya. Berlusconi had a personal relationship with Gaddafi that mutually helped both nations; Italy gained more in absolute terms.Italy promised to invest industrially n Libya and in exchange got oil at discounted prices.

The Italian navy unofficially reduced their operations by over 50% since 2008 since a new disturbing trend started. Gaddafi and the Libyan navy were assigned to intercept and destroy boats carrying African immigrants and asylum seekers before they reached Italian waters.

No one ever questioned why Illegal immigration to Italy dropped significantly over the last few years.

Italy was the ultimate beneficiary, poor Africans died and Gaddafi got the blame.
Of course, Italy is an awesome country – Geneva Convention signatory and has nothing to do with this.


What further baffles me is that the US talks about massive human rights violations and violence in Libya as one of the reasons they chose to come half way across the globe to deliver ‘justice’.

What about Mexico? It RIGHT NEXT’FUCKIN’DOOR and violence levels can be compared with Liberia and Congo!

Oh wait, but Mexico is a Christian country and doesn’t have oil. That explains it, inn it ;-)

So now, Libya joins the league of liberated countries like Iraq, Afghanistan and Egypt. Justice has been delivered, Gaddafi is dead and the Americans have successfully managed to secure new friends in the Islamic World.

Anna Hazare & the Retarded masses - The Death of Logic

With the Hisar bypoll result out - Kuldeep Bishnoi emerges victorious and thanks the voters for supporting his ‘development policies’. The fact is, the only person that deserves his gratitude is Anna Hazare.

Anna Hazare’s movement stems out of the near fatal corruption level that exists in our system, however his recommendations – approach and ideology regarding the Lokpal Bill are full of flaws and destined for a failure, if implemented.

I have no reservations about colluding with Anna on the primary reason, that’s daily corruption which makes a reasonable lifestyle an extremely challenging proposition in this part of the world. However, it is the ideological difference and execution of draft where I see myself pitched against him.

Anna Hazare is a semi literate senior citizen, who is socially unaware of the pace at which the world is changing. His exposure to the world is limited and his experience with the finer things in life is limited (Since he never married and had any wives/children). I do not blame him for his judgment skills and view on issues – since it’s his situation ( or rather lack of being in situations) puts him in a frame of mind with outdated ideas and unrealistic milestones.

The problem of corruption in India is not as simple as ‘Remove Politicians- Punish Government officials’. The public is as guilty as the politicians and the idiots in the Indian masses are following Anna blindly.

The lack of a admirable public figure (also lack of sex & entertainment) ensured that people started wearing Anna caps. 90% of the people wore Anna caps and orchestrated mob demonstrations without even reading the Jan Lokpal bill in detail. For some, it was a plain fashion fad and an opportunity to do something cool or probably have new pictures for a Facebook album. ( Kinda reminds me of MS Dhoni trying to save the tiger online,haha, click on ‘save tiger’ on Facebook and feel good about it while REAL tigers still get poached in Jungles).


Anna Hazare is not the solution to India's problem, he will only make things worse.


We take pride in being the largest democracy in the world and he wants to change that by undermining the respect a Prime Minister's office commands.

As it turns out now, he has sympathies from the right wing parties in India ( The BJP & RSS). He has banned English, Meat & Tobacco and Cable television in his native village and a common punishment is public flogging for violating these. It is ironic he calls himself a modern day Gandhi! That is as progressive as it gets.


His solution asks for Lokayukts (kind of like Law Marshals) in every state that would take up corruption cases ranging from a constable to the Prime Minister. For India about a million of these super cops would be required and considering there would be untouchable by law, corruption is bound to creep into the system. What happens when the untouchable become corrupt? No one answers that.

If he is allowed to have his way, this will be the start of right wing activists forcing their way into tearing a democratic system. This is how Taliban came into power, claiming they will rid the system of corruption (and they did to quite an extent but at other costs).

India has one of the dumbest voter clan and governments get toppled here on issues like onion prices and people blindly follow anyone in these desperate times. Anna Hazare situation is no exception.

It’s not the laws we need, its more educated and sensible people - For example we have Sec 498 (anti dowry law)..The intent is malicious in almost 70% cases, while only about 30% are genuine cases. The law is misused by women to harass and falsely frame the groom's family. Before adopting & enforcing a law like Lokpal ( and imagine a million untouchable Lokpal officers)- we need to realize the possible threat that will emerge from its misuse – It is human nature, power rattles the human brain and this Lokpal Bill does not take that situation into consideration. Remember the time people were being arrested for no reason under TADA?

What about people who steal electricity and we face power cuts because WE pay the bills and THEY don't. I am sick of the power cuts because of these thieves that live among us, more than corruption - the power cuts at night affect my life ! And yeah, the Jan Lokpal Bill does not include corruption of these sorts that is deep rooted in Indian masses; we just love blaming politicians for everything.
Include the public as chargeable/one of the guilty parties in the Lokpal - Someone trying to PAY bribe gets the same punishment as the government official - then it makes sense.

EXAMPLE - If a traffic cop pulls you over, writes you a 1000 Rupee ticket for using mobile while driving (honestly does his job), would you quietly pay 1000 or *think* if something can be arranged for 300 ? The problem lies inside our own heads.

If corruption is a problem, STOP voting on the basis of caste/race and religion. We ourselves, choose to vote these ministers to power and then claim there is corruption, the answer lies in voting the right people - not rooting for Anna.

Don’t vote for Congress if you don’t like the candidate. But don’t vote against congress just because Anna Says so ! You are indirectly helping another corrupt candidate come into power. Anna is stupid, you don’t have to be.

Reservoir Dogs - Maya Magic

With the inaugration of the Dalit Memorial in Noida, Mayawati has reiterated on her position as the champion of Dalit advocacy in India. For convenience, let’s just skip the polite words like Dalit/Harijan since that’s more of a forced condition that has been thrust upon the general masses as part of a greater movement to secure votes.

If I want a secure government job or an admission at my regional engineering college – I would proudly write ‘Scheduled Caste’ on the form and easily cut through the bureaucratic red tape, whereas if a colleague happens to refer me with the same – I will drag him to court and call a press conference to highlight these ‘atrocities’ on the oppressed. Isn’t that just super awesome?

An outcast untouchable Bhangi/Chamaar who was constantly subjected to oppression and injustice, has now acquired a newfound taste for power – thanks to the flawed reservation and Dalit appeasement system promoted in India.

Do not mistake my viewpoint with a pseudo sense of superiority or think of me as a flag bearer from an Indian version of the cone hooded men (the closest group being the RSS, funny how these groups work out 3 lettered names across continents).


When an uneducated, money hogging incapable woman becomes the Chief Minister of a state and nurses ambitions to make it to the Prime Minister’s office in the near future, the situation demands nothing short of a collective effort to root out the problem. The Schedule Caste/Lower Caste card has been played too long and by too many.

The part that bothers me is that the average oppressed lower caste individual, who is supposed to be the end beneficiary – is still being pushed around, is still being lynched and is still being expected to survive on 32 Rupees a day. It’s the urban ( ok, semi-urban to be honest) lower castes that are milking the system and occasionally holding the country to ransom by playing the ‘ We were tortured and exploited’ rhetoric ( Kinda reminds me of the Jews sticking to the holocaust for as long as they can milk it, Chamaars/Bhangis are the Indian Zionists eh ? lol)
It beats me how the people of this country or the state in question can be absolute idiots to not see that in spite of the abundant poverty, disease, crime and lack of infrastructure – Mayawati decides to spend Rupees 685 crores on building Statues of herself and her family members (who are uglier than her) rather than utilizing it for the welfare of the people. Even if she decided to spend it solely on the lower castes (Dalits), it would have been a justified move.

The problem lies with the reservation system as it results in nothing but a vicious circle.

You give someone a ‘reservation’ in job/education just because he has a ‘SC/ST’ tag and then expect them to have an opportunity to get mainstream. It’s like handing an athlete a prize even before he has run the race. These people get used to having ‘reservation’ and then want these privileges by default after a certain time. I don’t blame the people, the fault lies in the policy making process.

Now, simultaneously, imagine the plight, frustration and anger that simmers amongst the ‘upper & other castes’ when they see that they have been pushed out and someone else gets a seat without fair play.
How the hell can you expect these people to accept the SC/ST as mainstream??

Fair competition, zero reservation, abolition of privileges is the only way to gradually include the lower castes into mainstream. When the forms will no longer have the section ‘Caste Category’, the Dalit tag will gradually start to dissolve in the absence of repeated usage.

It is not an easy step, and it will not be quick. The whole system is very fragmented and divisions run deep. Upon acknowledging my last name (yes, I am an upper caste Brahmin) – most government officers usually refer to me as ‘Pandit Ji’. I don’t blame them, its their way of expressing brotherhood and venting out frustration against their lesser educated colleague who is 5 years junior but still manages to get promoted based on his ‘Scheduled Caste privileges’ .
But we need to give it a shot, the sick India needs this shot before the disease that Mayawati carries becomes a fatal one.

The day Mayawati becomes the Prime Minister of India – I will renounce my citizenship, burn my passport and head to the mountains in Nepal.

And till the reservation system and benefits for Chamaars are in place, I will refuse to refer to them as Dalits/Harijans.

The Brevity of Brevik

To begin with, this has been long overdue.

Anders Brevik is no longer the hot story of the season and the media has moved on to reminding us ‘how terrible and ooh so scary’ the 9/11 attack was.




Coming back to the Norway massacre, Brevik senselessly murdered over 80 people in an attempt to showcase his concern for the immigration policies of Europe.

Nothing justifies the cold blooded murder of innocent people who had nothing to do with allowing Muslims to come into Europe. Some of the dead were in fact too young to even know what immigration policies mean!

Since the internet has been flooded already with articles about how cold blooded and insane Brevik is, I will step aside from that issue and focus on the other issue.

France & Belgium banned the Burqa – Australia is considering it and Switzerland is putting a blanket ban on all kinds of Minarets. Sounds racist and oppressive? I’m sure it does.

What Brevik witnessed and analyzed is slowly being seen and understood by others – Muslim immigrants are facing a cultural conflict with not just the natives but other immigrant communities as well. What no one seems to see is that these immigrants can generally be classified into 3 categories – Economic Migrants, Second Generation, Asylum Seekers.

The first category makes over 70% of the total immigrant population and that brings me to the most important fact – THEY were not invited, they CHOSE to go to another country to make money and realized it before hand that there WILL BE cultural differences.
Now that said, why do they raise a hue and cry once they get there!

Secondly, the problem of integration is a serious one when it comes to the Islamic communities.
The women want to wear Burqa, men want a 4000 Watt Minaret broadcast while people are leaving nightclubs and when they are stopped they say ‘ their religious freedom and human rights are being violated’!

Well, try building a Church in Saudi Arabia or kissing your own wife in Dubai and then you will know what complete murder of religious freedom is all about.

Let’s face it – Radical Islam is one of the most intolerant institutions in the world that has no respect for any other religion and even refuses to acknowledge them. We view people as Catholic, Jews, Muslims, Hindus etc but Islam has only 2 classifications –

Believers & Non Believers.


And the crazy ones think that all non believers need to be converted to believers! Now with that kind of brilliant ideas when these Muslim immigrants move to a Western setup ( where women can be seen, live-in relationships exist, sex before marriage is not a sin) they feel that their responsibility to practice the highest/purest form of Islam is now mandatory.



Now, lemme set the record straight – the cause of these problems is not religion but illiteracy – you would never find a college educated Muslim with these crazy thoughts – I mean he would accept you as a non believer and even acknowledge your identity as a Christian, Buddhist or whatever you practice.

Since the ‘White World’ or the Western civilization has been feeling bad for their colonial misdemeanors in the past, there has been this gradual political correctness and fancy rhetoric in the last 2 decades – A black dude becomes President, Scandinavia opens its gates to Afghan/Iraqi Refugees, CNN spends over 45 seconds on covering African famines and Gandhi t-shirts come back in fashion.

However, as a flipside – this remorse phase of the western world suddenly had immigrants fucking them up the ass, considering their graciousness as weakness. Brevik had enough time and hatred in his heart to see it all the way it actually was ( and enough immigrants in his neighbourhood)

Muslims in Cologne wanted to build Minarets everywhere, the Turkish in Germany started their own world cup of Honor killings, Indian Punjabis started ‘agitating’ about racial bias in Australia.

My equation is simple – Islamic countries take away your basic rights when you go there and its considered ‘normal’ – You can’t drink, your wife becomes a curtain, You cannot preach any other religion, you get your body parts chopped for ridiculous mistakes – I don’t understand why people come from these countries and then expect EVERYTHING to be the same when they move to another country – Maybe France will life the Burqa ban the day Saudi allows the Pope to visit as a state guest!

Another major reason of discomfort for almost all communities is the Muslim reproduction rate – Natives in western countries are stressed about their declining population and changing demographics – an average Muslim family has 5.5 kids compared to 1.2 in a white family.

Anders Brevik is a mean asshole who involved & killed unrelated people in a confrontation that is much bigger than it appears – But there will be more Breviks because the problem is real and it’s deep rooted now.

Brevik might have gone to jail but he has brought the message out to the forefront – The people of Europe are now aware of this grave reality and the fact that in 40 years, the Islamic Emirate of Europa celebrates its birth.

A Bengali Odyssey - Calcutta

As I decided to accept the job opportunity that would take me to Calcutta (though for a short duration), I was somewhat prepared for a phase of culture shock. As I touched ground zero and started allowing the reality to sink in, I figured that the state of West Bengal is shittier than I had imagined it to be. Now I am a rude-arrogant asshole with little or no respect for crappy places but Calcutta managed to exceed the threshold and that is something worth mentioning on my blog.

I always thought why the British chose Bengal as their entry point for India. Now I get it, what better than to enter a place where people are poor lazy and the whole city sleeps every afternoon! Its perfect – they will even make a monument to celebrate slavery and call it Victoria Memorial!

Humble would be the last word popping in your head as you describe an average Bengali. Poets, philosophers, singers, artists – anything that doesn’t involve real manual labor or hard work are all thriving obsessions here. Also, it happens to be that ALL Bengalis (irrespective of age, socio-financial background, education) think that they have a special gift from god and are the chosen prophets of intellect. It is extremely amusing to see a half naked illiterate Bengali on the street beam with pride and look down at ‘Me the outsider’ since he grew up listening to Rabindra Sangeet and living the life Marx promised – while I was getting my modern (capitalist) education and wearing complete set of clothes (not to mention 2 showers a day – which is referred to as ‘water wastage’ here). Apparently, the national hero here is Rabindranath Tagore – a man who used to hang out with chicks in his private farm all day and write poetry and stuff. I mean give me a private farm with young chicas when I get old and I’d write freaking Booker prize winning stuff !


The odyssey begins the moment you leave the Airport – Air conditioning in the Taxis is a BIG NO since it would be extremely rude towards the poor who suffer in the heat on the same road. As a gesture of equality amongst masses, no taxis are allowed to have air conditioning (bigger reason is the fact that most locals cannot pay an increased fare if the ACs are installed in Taxis). Dilapidated old ambassadors that are commonly referred to as ‘Charming’ for some reason, ply on the equally dilapidated roads as if complimenting each other or competing for ‘Which is worse ? The Car or the road? Contest.
For unknown or very obvious reasons, these taxis are painted bright yellow – as if a constant reminder that you are in a ‘Shitty place’, what better than to paint them in a shit shade as a token of acceptance.

I do not blame the average Bengali for being naive with money management skills or lack of business acumen, the Communists ruled the state for 4 decades and it’s evident. However, there is a difference between not having business acumen and being retarded with zero common sense – Taxi drivers in Calcutta switch off their car engines even if the signal goes red for 5 seconds – They think they actually saved some gas! Any person remotely associated with cars or driving knows how much gas is consumed when you turn the engine on again!

When your Taxi finally takes you to work, that’s when the beautiful enigma unfolds itself. Work is a word that might be entered as a ‘disrespectful and racially provocative abuse’ in the law of the state. Work would be the last thing you would do at ‘Work’.


A typical Bengali workday consists of 4 phases – Chai, Socializing, Food, Commuting to & from ‘work’ – which leaves very little room for actual work. As an unwritten rule (or maybe written in Bengali only) emails will not be responded to, office timings would be printed in the ‘Jokes & Humor’ section, an average meal lasts 2 hours and anyone drinking less than 20 cups of Chai per day will not be eligible for promotion.

In fact, I AM AT WORK as I write this piece of literary masterpiece about my acquaintance and learning’s from the Great Bangla culture. All I see is happy faces as I look around, this is genuine happiness – Free tea, no work, Air conditioned office and a salary on top of that! What more could you ask for when you don’t even speak proper English and don’t have a clue of what you were hired for! Bliss.
The idea of FUN and FROLIC is pretty straightforward in Calcutta – having fun or ‘let’s do something’ receives a common and unanimous response – WHAT DO WE EAT.
The average Bengali weighs 96 Kgs (Yes, both male and female) and the Bay of Bengal is as empty as a Bengali’s brain, thanks to their love for fish. They can eat 11 meals a day and scientists worldwide are amazed at this superhuman like quality that defies biological science and is a medical miracle.
Chances are you will find a Bengali eating almost every single time you meet her/him and there have been instances where the fetish for food superseded everything else ( Porn movies where Bengali actors fornicate while polishing off a fresh fish and pouring Mishti Doi over each other).

As observed by most of you – Bengali males have what seems to be a ‘swollen jawline’ – There is a layer of fat around the jaw bones which makes them starkingly different looking from men from other parts of the world. See example of extra jaw line fat in Links:ll

http://www.filmyfriday.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Kumar_Sanu_3.jpg

http://www.indianetzone.com/photos_gallery/4/Bappi-Lahiri_17409.jpg

In spite of these anomalies and mental discrepancies, Bengalis like to call themselves Tigers and believe they are flag bearers of a progressive-modern India. Whether it is the fat Pan-spitting Marwaris who think wearing a gold chain makes them a Sheikh from Arabia, or the regular man on the street who watches a Mithun movie and thinks it deserved an Oscar – Pride is unparalleled. Try telling a Bengali that his state sucks and he would vehemently deny and show you the ‘Charm & Heritage’ in the old buildings that need a repaint (or best demolished).

My message would be:

What you call a relaxed lifestyle is what the world calls laziness

What you call good health is what the world calls obesity

What you call social reform and equality is what the world calls economic crisis & poverty

What you call Sonar Bangaal is what the world calls a piece of shit

Screw you Rabindranath Tagore and screw Shyam Benegal too ! Im goin home !

PS: I HAVE USED THE NAME CALCUTTA IN STEAD OF KOLKATA AS I PREFER TO USE THE SLAVE NAME THE BRITISH GAVE THIS PLACE, AS THAT’S WHAT THIS PLACE DESERVES

CWG 2010 - DD sports or Animal Planet ?

Leaving aside the corruption and delay, I would like to highlight the simple feature called ‘stupidity’ in my little write up today.
It sounds good that India is finally winning some medals and nobody died in any mishap caused by falling bridges or snakebites in the bathroom but there are some really really basic glitches that could have been fixed with ease.
Last night as I watched Sania Mirza getting her ass kicked by the Australians, I could not help but only focus on one thing ( NO, not her thunder thighs or length of her skirt), but something even smaller. INSECTS.

Yes, the R K Khanna tennis stadium was full of these cute little flying machines capable of finding a comfy abode in nasal tracts, wind pipes and liquidly iris circumferences. (I’m glad my 27 inch television did not have enough resolution to delve into a discussion if anal cavities were also one of the preferred locations for these insects.)

What irritated me more than the constant blur they created on the screen, was the crappy commentary which came spiked with politically correct bullshit used to fill up airtime in the absence of knowledge of the game. Sentences like “ Ye Titlee iss waqt net par baithi hai, khoobsurat hai lekin khel me vighn daal sakti hai” were equivocal to a madman screeching rusty nails on a fresh cast iron plate on high pitch headphones.


Spray some ‘as-claimed-on-tv’ 24 hour formula sprays to get rid of insects on a tennis court, get a freakin net and cover the area up or simply put up a lotta insect repelling sound machines that are inaudible to humans.
I would say being beaten and bitten by these silly insects after overcoming infrastructural challenges and colossal tragedies that include falling bridges is sheer irony and SHAME and testifies what Nana Patekar already told us ages ago –


Saala ek Macchar aadmi ko hijdaa bana deta hai.

Political Solution for Kashmir , but whats the problem ?

I am certain we all are aware of the situation in Kashmir. No one knows the solution:

Because one reality is this: When India became independent, Jammu and Kashmir was amongst the poorest of all provinces, today, it has perhaps the least poverty. Kashmiris get eight to ten times more per capita central assistance than most Hindi heartland states. While most states get loans, Kashmir gets grants.

I am not going to duck when faced by a volley from Kashmiris, who shout back about the second reality of civilian killings and cases of paramilitary brutality and torture.

I would say… Why do the Kashmiris not see the example of Punjab? What did years of militancy do there? Ruin people’s lives, take away their livelihoods, deny the young a safe childhood and education. Infrastructure was in shambles, and like Kashmir there were stories of security forces excesses. Look at the turnaround today, when Punjab has reclaimed its position as one of the most prosperous states of India.

When rebellion is widespread, civil and human rights unfortunately become a casualty. There is not a country in the world, which does that have innocent blood on its hands. When attacked, security forces retaliate.

Wars, confrontations and protests never have winners, everyone loses.

No one is denying that in Kashmir, there have been cases of paramilitary immoderation. But why is there hypocrisy! For days, Kashmir was aflame on news of a woman being raped by soldiers. Later, when it was confirmed that the woman had been raped and killed by militants, not a mouse stirred. What happened to the Kashmiri conscience suddenly?

I am by no means defending the deaths of innocent civilians. But a death at the hands of the terrorists must also be condemned with the same ferocity. Why for example, did crowds not stone the houses of those separatists whose phone conversations revealed that they were planning civilian deaths to fuel violent protests?

An entire generation has been fed with a utopian dream of freedom. They have rebellion running in their veins today. Little do they realize that such wild dreams are but mirages. Why must Kashmir waste the lives of its youth in the heat of the separatist movement, which is not even thoroughly thought out?

There are some pertinent questions that the Kashmiris must ask themselves. First, when they cry freedom for Kashmir, how do they intend to free that territory which is under Pakistan control?

Second, how would such a small nation sustain? With no mineral or oceanic resources, what will be the economic model of Kashmir? Mirwaiz Umar Farooq had courageously put his stakes on hydel power generated from waterfalls and tourism. Obviously, he has not studied the economies of similar countries like the breathtakingly beautiful breakaway republics of Russia. Else he would have learnt some lessons of financial ruin, political anarchy and hardship faced by citizens. He would have also had to swallow the bitter reality that small nations become mere pawns of larger powers in the game of geo-politics. With China sitting on its head, and Pakistan waiting in the wings, what freedom are Kashmiris talking about?

Third, how will Kashmir fend away claims that Pakistan will make on its territory. Just for the record, Pakistan may call the area it controls as “Azad”, but it is everything but that. All the PoK government moves are dictated by Islamabad. There is massive poverty in the area due to neglected development, blanket ban of press and certainly no “freedom” of the kind that one gets in a democracy. A lot of the PoK territory is also controlled by terrorist organizations and is host to their training camps.

Even the sham elections held in 2005 in PoK were found to have been rigged by General Ashfaq Kayani. Covert reportage reveals that there has been systemic and concerted migration of Pakistan Punjabis into the region, so much so that the demography of the area has been altered. And now there are reports that Gilgit and PoK have been de facto ceded to the Chinese.

Declassified American documents show that Pakistanis had talked back at the US asking it not to preach on Kashmir, as the state was their birth right! Pakistan has more than once said that an independent Kashmir is not a viable option.

Let it be clear that when Pakistan says it supports the freedom movement in J&K, it means the Kashmiris’ movement to breakaway from India and join Pakistan.

So the fourth question is this, are Kashmiris willing to join an economically crumbling and terror-infested Pakistan?

If not, then the fifth question: What happens if there is a repeat of the 1947-48 scenario? Suppose Pakistan sends its troops into J&K the moment it is declared independent, what do the Kashmiris propose to do to defend themselves. Sixty three years earlier, Hari Singh had sought India’s support, what would be the alternatives in this day and age? With the added threat of China sending in its Army, there is no way that Kashmir will not be swallowed by its neighbours.

Barring the similarity of religion- which anyways does not count for much when we see Pakistan’s Bangladesh example - the Kashmiri has very little in common with Pakistan. The entire idea of Kashmiriyat is pluralistic and sufi based, much closer to the idea that sustains India.

When Kashmiris cry themselves hoarse on streets about “Azadi”, have they really thought of the very vital “what next” option?

Or are they too swayed by the hawk Syed Ali Shah Geelani, who has declared himself a Pakistani citizen but expects Indian government to provide him the best medical treatment at AIIMS and wants government jobs doled out for his family!

India has indeed made mistakes in Kashmir that it must rectify. The government is already trying. The last assembly elections were the most free and fair in the history of the state. Former PM Atal Behari Vajpayee and PM Manmohan Singh’s healing touch programmes have been well-intentioned and thus must be embraced by the Kashmiri people. These are opportunities for Kashmir to turn the corner.

About security forces excesses, the PM is willing to talk and take all appropriate measures to punish the guilty. He has also promised all possible initiatives that will restore normalcy, provided the Kashmiri groups are willing to abjure violence and hold talks within the framework of the Constitution.

Let the Kashmiri throw away the stones which he is pelting with hatred, as these are eventually only scarring his own psyche.

Look at the Sri Lankan analogy. The LTTE torpedoed all peace efforts, all development and reconstruction projects in the northern area, and paid little attention to the living conditions of the Tamils. According to a defence journal report, “Even a USD 4.5 bn aid offered by Japan and other donors was rejected by the LTTE as it was linked to the peace process.”

The separatists are committing the same mistake. They are refusing all friendly overtures and development packages offered by the Centre. The reality is also this. They are too scared of peace.

Kashmir already enjoys a special status. The Central government and India on the whole must psychologically accept its special status to defuse the crisis. Under Article 370, except defence, foreign policy and communication, no Indian law is binding on Kashmir unless it has the concurrence of the state assembly.

It is the only state with its own constitution and with a separate set of laws governing the state’s residents as compared to Indians. Indians can’t even buy property in J&K. Kashmiris, on the other hand, can look for economic opportunities in the rest of India and own property in all major cities. Kashmir’s entire development expenditure (including the enormous Rs 5 bn economic package) is entirely funded by India and not its internal resources. The state will also, in times to come, benefit from the 9% GDP growth that India is witnessing.

What will greater autonomy than this achieve for the Kashmiri?

The separatists need to set aside their self-serving agenda and have the courage to let their people taste peace and the fruits of peace. Normal lives, coffee bars, pre-paid SIMs, boating in shikaras at the Dal and eating roasted chestnuts. Just a couple of years ago, a semblance of this picture was slowly beginning to be achieved. Hurriyat was becoming a moribund outfit, till fresh tensions gave it a new lease of life.

Kashmir due to the mismanagement by Delhi and misconstrued ideas of its own populace today has become a region where even angels fear to tread.

It is high time that Kashmiris come to terms with the truth and make a course correction towards political stability and progress.

Because unless this happens, when reality actually hits Kashmir ….it may already be a paradise lost.

Yellow Submarine

Culture, heritage, history ….they all sound like big & important words and I agree that every community’s identity is based on them.
Call me a racist dickhead or a biased naive vegan (mess with me and you’d see how much punch I pack even with my vegetarian diet) but I feel that the Yellow people ( Yes, the small eyed Asians) have gone way too far with clinging on to their ‘culture’ shit in terms of their cuisine.

Korea, to begin with, I don’t differentiate if its North or South since they both seem to have one common disgusting choice of delicacy. Dogs.
Yes, you heard it right, Dogs. The smaller it is the tender the meat is. You have got to be one real heartless douche bag to chop a little puppy into equal sized pieces. Now that’s the nutrition/consumption part.
What really bothers me is the ‘cultural’ aspect of it, traditional butchering methods call for intense torture before the slaughter. Some of the common methods include:
1. Hanging the dog/puppy upside down and then beating him to pulp while the animal is still alive, since ‘traditional guidelines’ mention that the meat becomes more tender the more suffering the animal goes through
2. Skinning the Dog alive and giving it mild electric shocks so that the panic releases ‘stress juices’ that make the meat more delicious

http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/dog-meat-in-beijing-ordered-off-menu-for-olympics/offbeat-news



Next on my list is the Sunrise nation, the country where everybody is constantly in an epic pose giving victory signals to each other and discussing the 15 different types of camera every citizen needs to possess as per law. Japan.

Japan’s hatred and vow to finish everything that’s in the sea started with Pearl Harbor. They started with big ships, but when they got their ass kicked, they relented to smaller targets like whales. They took their defeat after Pearl Harbor so seriously that now they have decided to finish off all existing whales from the seas of the world.

They have gone to the extent of getting approvals and permissions to continue whaling for ‘SCIENTIFIC REASONS’ while whaling stays illegal all throughout the world. Now wait a second, do you really need 1000 Whales a year to do your ‘sea life’ tests. I mean, aren’t these tests supposed to be beneficial for sea life, by finding ways to improve whale lives. Maybe the Japanese took the Islamic Terrorism model too seriously and want to ensure 72 virgins for the whales in THE NEXT LIFE.

That’s their scientific research.

They would put Greenpeace activists in jail, ensure a steady supply of prostitutes and cash for UN officials responsible for enforcing a complete whaling ban, sell Whale Fish as ‘Beeg Tunaa Fees Meet’ in their markets. There is no stopping, Japan is here to stay and Whales are there to go (forever).

Their cultural diktats mention how whale meat increases potency and vigor (no wonder they do 14 hour factory shifts and sleep when it’s time to make love), whale meat is a high source of energy (making your hand do the V sign 12 hrs a day REALLY drains the energy out). So hats off to another culture.

Third on my list are the Chinese. You’ve gotta give it to them, they are the fairest of the lot, they do not discriminate and eat everything from insects to Sharks. What’s important to note here is that China does not have a food grain shortage or a love for these animals. Apparently, the rarer is the animal is, the more prestigious it is ‘culturally’ to turn it into human excreta by transporting it via the human intestines.

Shark fin soup, Tiger Claw aphrodisiac, Rhino Horn powder, Lion Skin panties…the list is big..Not just the delicacies but also the WWF Endangered animal list. The Chinese do not shy away from wiping an animal off the face of the earth (They want supremacy, highest number of ‘animals’ on the planet should be Chinese people themselves) .




The funny thing is, scientifically proven, none of the animal body parts bring the desired results for which they are killed. It’s just a ‘tradition’ that they follow blindly.

Now that’s what happens when you let Jackie Chan write your cultural blueprint !

Raging blood lines and the metal boot – Kashmir

Another few dead yesterday in Srinagar, for the first few days I tried to read a bit about the casualties but then if it’s all consistent, the people become numbers and the interest wanes out gradually ( for that matter even the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico has moved to Page 3 from the headlines).

Kashmir doesn’t send shivers down anybody’s spine anymore irrespective of where they come from. Isn’t it the place where shit goes down every other day anyway?


From an Indian perspective, the place has come a long way from being a state that wanted to shake hands and be all happy with its Union into the Islamic Republic of Pakistan to a state that produced the Indian Administrative Services Exam topper. A state famous for supplying images of mutilated body parts of violence victims for the daily news, to a state registering record number of tourists in holiday season.


From a Kashmiri perspective, the initial hype about Pakistan being the chosen one has died out and a neutral independent approach has gained significant strength.
So how do people end up dead in streets and the Indian Government and Armed forces find themselves standing at the edge of the blame finger? Why & how does the seasonal anti-India tirade gain momentum at short notices?
The answer lies in the most eternal answer to every problem in the world. Power & Money.
(Coolio had figured it all out in his famous track – Gangster’s Paradise!)

Shielded by the AFSPA (Armed forces special protection act), the CRPF practices least restraint while using the trigger. I mean they do shoot in the air, but forget to look up if someone happens to be in a balcony or at a window. Why don’t they care? They don’t because they are sent to protect people whom they know detest them.

That’s a shit deal!

The government pushes armed forces into Kashmir thinking it will lend a sense of security and maintain a state of preparedness incase Pakistan tries to experiment at garnering support from locals again. The armed forces step in looking to be revered and respected for the wonderful job they signed up for, instead receive cold stares and a bounty of hate. That’s a prime time Confusion State.


Now in this Confusion state, add a bit of politics. Hurriyat and Separatist groups vying for attention and aid money. They would do whatever it takes to make the best of this potluck of vested interests. Choose the right time (Amarnath Yatra involves lakhs of tourists and the world will watch), choose the right weather and raise the tempo again.


The CRPF, already disillusioned about why they are there in the first place is ready for its share of action. According to the flavor of the season, throw in some stone pelting, Pakistan flag waving and bunker burning and there we are, a perfect recipe for disaster.


It gives enough fodder for right wing Hindu parties to ask for support to crush the ‘Intolerant separatist Muslim terrorists’.

It gives enough attention and body bags to the Kashmiri groups to indulge in self pity and seek international aid for the remaining one year.

It gives the armed forces the much needed lessons in riot control and curfew operations, some of them even get medals for their ‘valor’.

It gives the Government of India another reason to maintain a high defense budget and the reason for military presence in Kashmir.

It’s a win-win situation! Everyone gets something out of it, so why the commotion.


People will crib about it, right after ordering a pizza they will write social networking updates through their GPRS enabled cellular devices, showing how concerned they are. Facebook groups will be created and the street children killed in these protests will be on those groups, next to the ONLINE group that claims at saving the tiger.

The Kashmiriyat that is said to be defended against occupation, dies the moment you let your kid out to a protest march.


The Democracy dies the moment you shield the armed forces from prosecution for shooting citizens of a state you call your own.


And our conscience dies everyday when we fail to register identities and a protestor becomes a Muslim and a soldier becomes an infidel.