Yellow Submarine

Culture, heritage, history ….they all sound like big & important words and I agree that every community’s identity is based on them.
Call me a racist dickhead or a biased naive vegan (mess with me and you’d see how much punch I pack even with my vegetarian diet) but I feel that the Yellow people ( Yes, the small eyed Asians) have gone way too far with clinging on to their ‘culture’ shit in terms of their cuisine.

Korea, to begin with, I don’t differentiate if its North or South since they both seem to have one common disgusting choice of delicacy. Dogs.
Yes, you heard it right, Dogs. The smaller it is the tender the meat is. You have got to be one real heartless douche bag to chop a little puppy into equal sized pieces. Now that’s the nutrition/consumption part.
What really bothers me is the ‘cultural’ aspect of it, traditional butchering methods call for intense torture before the slaughter. Some of the common methods include:
1. Hanging the dog/puppy upside down and then beating him to pulp while the animal is still alive, since ‘traditional guidelines’ mention that the meat becomes more tender the more suffering the animal goes through
2. Skinning the Dog alive and giving it mild electric shocks so that the panic releases ‘stress juices’ that make the meat more delicious

http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/dog-meat-in-beijing-ordered-off-menu-for-olympics/offbeat-news



Next on my list is the Sunrise nation, the country where everybody is constantly in an epic pose giving victory signals to each other and discussing the 15 different types of camera every citizen needs to possess as per law. Japan.

Japan’s hatred and vow to finish everything that’s in the sea started with Pearl Harbor. They started with big ships, but when they got their ass kicked, they relented to smaller targets like whales. They took their defeat after Pearl Harbor so seriously that now they have decided to finish off all existing whales from the seas of the world.

They have gone to the extent of getting approvals and permissions to continue whaling for ‘SCIENTIFIC REASONS’ while whaling stays illegal all throughout the world. Now wait a second, do you really need 1000 Whales a year to do your ‘sea life’ tests. I mean, aren’t these tests supposed to be beneficial for sea life, by finding ways to improve whale lives. Maybe the Japanese took the Islamic Terrorism model too seriously and want to ensure 72 virgins for the whales in THE NEXT LIFE.

That’s their scientific research.

They would put Greenpeace activists in jail, ensure a steady supply of prostitutes and cash for UN officials responsible for enforcing a complete whaling ban, sell Whale Fish as ‘Beeg Tunaa Fees Meet’ in their markets. There is no stopping, Japan is here to stay and Whales are there to go (forever).

Their cultural diktats mention how whale meat increases potency and vigor (no wonder they do 14 hour factory shifts and sleep when it’s time to make love), whale meat is a high source of energy (making your hand do the V sign 12 hrs a day REALLY drains the energy out). So hats off to another culture.

Third on my list are the Chinese. You’ve gotta give it to them, they are the fairest of the lot, they do not discriminate and eat everything from insects to Sharks. What’s important to note here is that China does not have a food grain shortage or a love for these animals. Apparently, the rarer is the animal is, the more prestigious it is ‘culturally’ to turn it into human excreta by transporting it via the human intestines.

Shark fin soup, Tiger Claw aphrodisiac, Rhino Horn powder, Lion Skin panties…the list is big..Not just the delicacies but also the WWF Endangered animal list. The Chinese do not shy away from wiping an animal off the face of the earth (They want supremacy, highest number of ‘animals’ on the planet should be Chinese people themselves) .




The funny thing is, scientifically proven, none of the animal body parts bring the desired results for which they are killed. It’s just a ‘tradition’ that they follow blindly.

Now that’s what happens when you let Jackie Chan write your cultural blueprint !

Raging blood lines and the metal boot – Kashmir

Another few dead yesterday in Srinagar, for the first few days I tried to read a bit about the casualties but then if it’s all consistent, the people become numbers and the interest wanes out gradually ( for that matter even the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico has moved to Page 3 from the headlines).

Kashmir doesn’t send shivers down anybody’s spine anymore irrespective of where they come from. Isn’t it the place where shit goes down every other day anyway?


From an Indian perspective, the place has come a long way from being a state that wanted to shake hands and be all happy with its Union into the Islamic Republic of Pakistan to a state that produced the Indian Administrative Services Exam topper. A state famous for supplying images of mutilated body parts of violence victims for the daily news, to a state registering record number of tourists in holiday season.


From a Kashmiri perspective, the initial hype about Pakistan being the chosen one has died out and a neutral independent approach has gained significant strength.
So how do people end up dead in streets and the Indian Government and Armed forces find themselves standing at the edge of the blame finger? Why & how does the seasonal anti-India tirade gain momentum at short notices?
The answer lies in the most eternal answer to every problem in the world. Power & Money.
(Coolio had figured it all out in his famous track – Gangster’s Paradise!)

Shielded by the AFSPA (Armed forces special protection act), the CRPF practices least restraint while using the trigger. I mean they do shoot in the air, but forget to look up if someone happens to be in a balcony or at a window. Why don’t they care? They don’t because they are sent to protect people whom they know detest them.

That’s a shit deal!

The government pushes armed forces into Kashmir thinking it will lend a sense of security and maintain a state of preparedness incase Pakistan tries to experiment at garnering support from locals again. The armed forces step in looking to be revered and respected for the wonderful job they signed up for, instead receive cold stares and a bounty of hate. That’s a prime time Confusion State.


Now in this Confusion state, add a bit of politics. Hurriyat and Separatist groups vying for attention and aid money. They would do whatever it takes to make the best of this potluck of vested interests. Choose the right time (Amarnath Yatra involves lakhs of tourists and the world will watch), choose the right weather and raise the tempo again.


The CRPF, already disillusioned about why they are there in the first place is ready for its share of action. According to the flavor of the season, throw in some stone pelting, Pakistan flag waving and bunker burning and there we are, a perfect recipe for disaster.


It gives enough fodder for right wing Hindu parties to ask for support to crush the ‘Intolerant separatist Muslim terrorists’.

It gives enough attention and body bags to the Kashmiri groups to indulge in self pity and seek international aid for the remaining one year.

It gives the armed forces the much needed lessons in riot control and curfew operations, some of them even get medals for their ‘valor’.

It gives the Government of India another reason to maintain a high defense budget and the reason for military presence in Kashmir.

It’s a win-win situation! Everyone gets something out of it, so why the commotion.


People will crib about it, right after ordering a pizza they will write social networking updates through their GPRS enabled cellular devices, showing how concerned they are. Facebook groups will be created and the street children killed in these protests will be on those groups, next to the ONLINE group that claims at saving the tiger.

The Kashmiriyat that is said to be defended against occupation, dies the moment you let your kid out to a protest march.


The Democracy dies the moment you shield the armed forces from prosecution for shooting citizens of a state you call your own.


And our conscience dies everyday when we fail to register identities and a protestor becomes a Muslim and a soldier becomes an infidel.